


I Used To Build Dreams About You

by hollidayparty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Soft Ben, Unplanned Pregnancy, force pregnancy, pre-tros, reylo cuddles, soft rey, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22949524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollidayparty/pseuds/hollidayparty
Summary: Rey grits her teeth, trying in vain to still her trembling limbs. She draws her knees to her chest, curving inward on herself to the point of pain, as thunder roars menacingly overhead. Wind tears at the feeble window and a flash of lightning illuminates her quarters. Suddenly appearing a few feet before her, Ben's profile is outlined in the bluish, alien light. Rey hisses at the sight of him, scrunches her eyes shut, and curses the Force for having the most impeccable timing."I'd rather not do this now,” she spits weakly through clenched teeth.Ben’s eyes narrow. The fire in her voice is meek, but it’s still the harshest she’s spoken to him in weeks; something must be wrong.-------Set a few months between TLJ and TROS. Continually thrown together by their bond, Rey and Ben have managed a stilted and reluctant companionship. Things escalate one night when Rey is frightened by the ferocity of a raging thunderstorm, setting them down a path that will alter everything as they know it.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 35
Kudos: 157





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "So we'll just let things take their course, and never be sorry." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, Benediction

Rey grits her teeth, trying in vain to still her trembling limbs. She draws her knees to her chest, curving inward on herself to the point of pain, as thunder roars menacingly overhead. Cursing under her breath, she thinks ruefully of the desert, desperately missing the desiccate climate for the first time since she left. The weather on this back-water planet where the Resistance was currently hiding had been more unpredictable and tumultuous than the rebels had bargained for. 

Wind tears at the feeble window and a flash of lightning illuminates her quarters. Suddenly appearing a few feet before her, Ben's profile is outlined in the bluish, alien light. She’s not exactly surprised to see him; the Force had been connecting them with increasing frequency in the scant amount of months since Crait. They speak nearly every day, quasi-face to face via the connection.

At first, following the ruinous events on Crait, their loaded silences had been full of awkward and stinging anger, but over time both faded to calm indifference, which gave way to stiff but cordial exchanges. With Snoke dead, more and more of _Ben_ shone through as less and less of Kylo Ren appeared. So, they negotiated a truce of sorts as it seemed they were unable to avoid each other. This bled into a reluctant and stilted companionship. Which had led to their current standing, a timid, burgeoning friendship, if not perhaps more. 

Still though, Rey hisses at the sight of him, scrunches her eyes shut, and curses the Force for having the most _impeccable timing._

"I'd rather not do this now,” she spits weakly through clenched teeth.

Ben’s eyes narrow. The fire in her voice is meek, but it’s still the harshest she’s spoken to him in weeks; something must be wrong. Worry and alarm spiking in his chest, he pivots into a protective stance and scans surroundings he can’t see, trying to gauge the danger, peppering her with questions, both verbally and wordlessly through the bond.

“Are you safe?” he asks anxiously. “Are you hurt? What happened? What do you need?”

She nods, shakes her head, and then shrugs, glaring at her knees. 

Ben spins and eyes her dubiously. Rey works her jaw in embarrassed frustration. She really doesn’t want to explain this juvenile fear. But she sighs in defeat, knowing he won’t drop it until he knows there really _isn’t_ any danger. 

“It’s just,” she begins. She’s interrupted by an ear-splitting crack as a flash of lightning cleaves a towering tree in two just outside her window. The thin pane rattles sharply as the smoldering halves of wood crash violently to the ground. Rey nearly jumps out of her skin and yelps in surprise. 

The fear knocks loose the feeble hold she’d had on a few meager mental defenses shyly keeping Ben at arm’s length through the bond. Rey desperately scrambles to erect them again, clumsy and awkward because she knows he’s already seen. She drags the dregs of her dignity around her like a moth-eaten coat and defiantly tucks her chin skyward. 

Ben straightens out of his crouch, understanding and relief loosening his posture. She braces for his judgement, his condescension, his mocking, but it never comes. Instead, he exhales slowly and visibly relaxes because she's not in any _immediate_ danger, at least not how he pictured. She's just never seen rain like _this_ and it's scaring her. And everyone else's lack of a reaction to the storm is bothering her, too, making her even more panicky and self-conscious. 

When he meets her eyes, the patience and compassion radiating out of his almost knocks the breath from her lungs. He walks towards her in his usual loping, graceful movements and sinks to the floor beside her, fluidly folding his legs under him. Tipping his head backward against an unseen wall, he exhales heavily. Rey waits, eyeing him with an equally curious and guarded gaze. 

“I never liked storms like this either,” he says simply. 

He nods toward the window and an image flits into her head: a tiny, black-haired boy cowering under his sheets, stubbornly trying to read by flashlight, despite the rumbling thunder and roaring wind making him flinch and tremble head to toe. 

Rey’s shoulders drop several inches from her ears. Wordlessly, she nods, and presses a memory into his mind in return. She’s tiny, no more than seven or eight, bitterly waiting out a sandstorm as a gritty, dusty, suffocating cyclone swallowed her AT-AT whole. Turbulent weather has never bothered her, at least, not like this. He watches as she remembers how much she _loved_ the rain on Ahch-To, but that storm had been so gentle and placid. 

Ben winces as he recalls the other half of that memory; how her happiness had instantly drained away at the sight of him and how her fury had built with the insults they traded soon after. He nudges a silent, sheepish apology towards her. 

Before she can respond, thunder cracks directly overhead, jostling the walls of her quarters. Rey squeezes her eyes shut and sucks in a ragged breath between her teeth. 

_Let me help you?_

Ben’s question catches her off guard and her stubborn pride flares indignantly. But the next clap of thunder booms so loud it hurts _his_ ears, so when he offers her his hand, she clutches it painfully. 

Using their threaded fingers as leverage, he pulls her to him, cradling her across his lap, pressing her into the safety of his chest. His overwhelming warmth and the scent she secretly loves envelop her immediately. Her surroundings blossom before him like they always do when the connection is deepened by physical touch and he's relieved again as he surveys the sturdiness of her quarters.

_You're safe here,_ he silently assures her. 

He means her dwelling, but Rey’s soul soars at the implication of his embrace shielding her from all harm. A small, rapidly dwindling part of her hates the way her entire being melts into his arms, but the rightness of their closeness seeps through her as it thrums reverently in the Force. She winds herself closer, pressing her face into the crook of his neck and snaking her hand around the base of his skull, still trembling. 

He nuzzles his face into her hair and runs his hands soothingly up her spine. This isn’t the first time they've held each other like this, though it usually happens when the Force connects them in the aftermath of dreams or nightmares and they’re inches apart. Every time so far, they find themselves welded together, trading soft words and comforting caresses. When they wake alone, they both pointedly try to ignore the hollow ache throbbing in their chests.

Carding his hand through her loose waves, he gently urges her even closer. 

_Listen,_ he nudges. 

He directs her focus to the rhythmic flow of his breathing and the steady pulse of his heart. The sound of his breath and his heartbeat, so close under her fingertips and pressed into the shell of her ear, block out the raging storm. All she can feel and hear is him and her eyes flutter closed in contentment. 

A little more than an hour passes as he holds her. He tells her about his day, bits and bobs of his agenda as Supreme Leader and she smiles fondly at the boredom and annoyance in his voice as he recounts redundant meetings and sniveling underlings. 

The storm calms to a tranquil murmur of distant thunder and the settled rain drums serene, even tattoo outside. Long shadows dance on the walls cast by the flickering flames on a scant handful of candles Rey had found by scanning the Force, adamantly refusing to leave Ben's arms to look for them. 

Head resting on his shoulder, she studies his profile, charting the gnarled scar she gave him, mapping the freckles and spots on his skin. Her attention makes him blush and he turns to playfully glare at her. But her face is so calm and open and peaceful that all he can do is stare. He's mesmerized by her, like he always is. His eyes flit toward the perfect bow of her lips. 

_Can I …?_

He barely forms the shy question in his mind before she surges forward and melds her lips to his. Her hands weave into his thick hair and she presses against his chest like she's trying to merge herself permanently with him. The Force thrums joyously around them and it feels like every particle in the universe sighs with contentment as their lips _finally_ meet. 

How many times he’s thought about this. How often she's dreamed of it. The backdrop of their imaginings always changes; the bleak interrogation chamber, the snowy forest on Starkiller, her firelit hut on Ahch-To, that _charged_ elevator ride on the _Supremacy_ , the smoking, demolished throne room. 

A soft, strangled whimper tumbles from his throat as Rey’s teeth hungrily graze his lower lip. Her fingers thread themselves more thoroughly in his hair, tugging gently at the waves curling in against the back of his neck. His lush lips move in time with hers and she fleetingly considers how much _better_ this is than all of her fantasies. 

_Mine too,_ he answers instantly and even his mental tone breathless and exhilarated. 

He knew he wanted her, has wanted her for pretty much as long as he’s known her. But now that he has her, body warm and pliant against his, mouth moving under his own, he doesn’t know how he ever managed to live without her. 

Terror seizes him as the realization dawns that their connection could sever at any moment, leaving them on opposite sides of the galaxy once more. His arms tighten like steel bands around her back and a panicked plea slips from his mind into hers. 

_Please stay._

She nods against him and moves to straddle his waist, slotting her chest against his. 

_I will,_ she promises. _I could never leave you again, Ben._

A tortured groan escapes his throat as he clutches her and the aftermath of Snoke bubbles into their memory. Their emotions spill into each other and long-suppressed words finally flow freely between them.

_I'm sorry I left you there._

_I'm sorry I asked too much of you._

_I'm sorry I called you names._

_I'm sorry I screamed at you._

Their apologies churn together to transform into a synchronized chant pulsing in time with their synchronized heartbeats. 

_I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

Rey stands and yanks him to his feet by the lapels, eagerly meeting his mouth again in a feverish kiss. She walks backwards, tugging him in tow, until her knees bump the edge of her small bed and she falls onto the mattress, bringing him with her. He carefully holds his weight above her, caging her in between his arms. Ever the scholar, somewhere in the corner of his brain, he wonders fleetingly at the physics of their bond. Even as his mouth moves against hers, he ponders how the Force bends the universe around their connection to cross physical surroundings. 

_Ben_ , she calls into his mind, his name an admonition and an endearment all at once. 

_Right_ , he corrects himself, filing those musings away for _much_ later. _Yes ma'am._

They're both acutely aware of the precipice they stand on; the irreversible actions they're taking threaten to change _everything_ between them. Carefully, as if she’s made of glass, Ben cups her face in his warm, calloused hands. He brushes his thumbs over the apples of her cheeks and stares into her eyes, flicking between her pupils. A rush of devotion and worshipful adoration wraps around her mind like a comforting blanket as he projects the depth of his affection across the bond. Never taking his eyes off of hers, he bends to capture her mouth in a gentle kiss.

Rey’s heart feels as though it may burst from her chest from the swell of her emotions coupled with the perfect echo of his coursing through her. Their unintelligible feelings swirl together to create a single, articulate thought, whispered fervently in unison between them.

_I love you._

The space of a heartbeat passes.

_You meant it?_ they ask simultaneously in incredulous wonder.

Rey grins sheepishly and waits for him to go first. 

“Yes,” he croaks in a hoarse whisper. “Ever since…”

The memory blooms between them and she nods, because she knows, too. Their conversation Ahch-To after she had dove headfirst into the nexus cave. She had been so open and vulnerable and trusting, reaching out to him for reassurance and guidance. When was the last time he had _comforted_ someone? But with her, the entire exchange was as easy as breathing. He just _knew_ exactly what she had needed to hear. And she had known exactly what he had needed, too. He had been so gentle and unimposing and kind. She smiles fondly and reaches up to sweep the hair away from his brow. His eyes flutter to half-mast at her touch. 

_You mean it,_ he tries timidly, seeking reassurance. 

She nods, trailing her fingers gently down the line of his scar. His own voice echoes in his mind as she remembers the earnest, gentle murmur he had offered. 

_You're not alone._

“You’re not,” he reaffirms, swallowing thickly. “I’m here, Rey.” 

_If you’ll have me._

She surges forward and hungrily claims his mouth again. When he parts her lips with his tongue, it isn’t rough or sloppy. He takes his time, brushing it just behind her teeth, the roof of her mouth, sliding it over hers slowly, sensually. Rey doesn’t mean to, but she groans, hands fisting in his hair, pulling him even closer. Piece by piece, their clothing is haphazardly discarded. As their bodies join together, the Force sings with a belonging that pierces their souls and the thunder drones on softly in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *twerks back into your life* 
> 
> did i mention i can't leave these two alone??? strap in, kiddos
> 
> also - looking over my previous works, i've realized that i have a thunderstorm & cuddles kink? lmao. but listen, i grew up in rural east texas, and when it storms, shit (mostly 30 ft pine trees) tends to FALL. DOWN. So, i have a love-hate relationship with storms. So does the Rey that lives in my head!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

A frown flickers across Ben's features as a needling numbness creeps up his right arm. He stubbornly tries to ignore the sharp, prickling pain; he'd been _so_ close to sleep and he cannot remember the last time he had felt this content or peaceful. The discomfort spreads through his muscles anyway, starting from where Rey's head is pillowed in the crook of his elbow, the weight of her skull disrupting the flow of blood to his forearm.

Sensing his twinges of pain, Rey jerkily lifts her head from his arm to relieve the pressure. She begins to scoot slightly away, giving him space to make sure he's as comfortable as possible. But Ben grunts in a cranky, yet adorably petulant sort of way and shakes his head in protest as he locks his left arm firmly around her waist. He tugs her back in against his chest, tucking his knees behind hers, and presses his cheek against the silken skin of her shoulder. His nose rests in the hollow below her ear and his slow, soft exhales tickle her neck. 

His body is still flushed and the bare skin of his chest is blazingly warm to the touch. Rey revels in the heat of his skin on hers with his body draped around her. 

_I love you,_ she whispers fervently as he titters on the edge of consciousness. The smile pressed into the back of her shoulder is wide and relaxed and a bit boyish.

_I love you, sweetheart,_ he nudges back to her as sleep claims him, following with her shortly after. 

Pleasant surprise washes through her when she wakes and they're still connected because it's the longest the Force has bridged them. She turns in Ben's arms and raises her brows at him in excitement. He smiles sleepily and shrugs one shoulder. Maybe the Force is pleased with the new… _development_ in their relationship that took place last night. 

Rey grins wickedly, unrepentant. 

_I'm certainly pleased with it._

He chuckles and stretches forward to pepper dozens of featherlight kisses all over her shoulder, her temple, her hair, and her cheeks. 

_Me too._

They spend a little longer in each other's arms before Ben reluctantly tells her he might initiate closing the bridge as he needs to begin his agenda for the day. 

She kisses him fiercely and radiantly smiles in a way that assuages every ache in his very soul. 

_Later,_ she promises.

He grins, flashing his dimples, and nods. He brushes a kiss to her forehead and then dissipates as the connection ends. 

Over the next few weeks, Rey feels as though the knowledge of what she and Ben do together at night sticks to like a second skin, visible to everyone around her, but the paranoid thoughts reveal themselves to be nothing substantial. Rose comments on her near-constant cheerful mood and Finn seems genuinely pleased at the uptick in her usual sunny disposition, but otherwise, everyone else is oblivious, which suits Rey fine. 

She has long lost count of the trysts between her and Ben. And although they've learned each other's bodies nearly as quickly as they learned each other's mind, she doesn't think she'll ever tire of watching him come undone or making him writhe beneath her or witnessing the beautiful, boyish smiles he saves only for her. A year ago, she would have been unnerved and terrified about this turn they've taken, but his arms (and his bed) feel more like home than any planet ever has. 

Rey's feet tread lightly down a well-worn dirt path twisting through the lush jungle undergrowth. Heavy humidity hangs thickly in the dusk and clings to the broad leaves and winding vines and plasters the loose hairs at the nape of her neck to her skin. She feels a familiar tremor in the Force as Ben appears several feet behind her walking briskly in the same direction. On his side of the galaxy, he's heading down an empty corridor back to his quarters. He nudges a relaxed, easy greeting toward her.

_Hey sunshine._

She sends a wordless flutter of pleasure and acknowledgement back at him. Waving genially to Chewie and Poe as they tinker on the underbelly of the _Falcon_ nearby, she shows Ben that she's heading into the forest to be "alone" and "meditate." He grins wickedly, knowing the exact secluded thicket she has in mind; a favorite place to pass the time while they examine the newfound dynamics of their relationship.

They continue on in companionable silence with several feet of twilight between them. Ben is content just to watch her, to see the knots of her hair jostle rhythmically as she walks or to track the tiny beads of condensation from the heavy curtain of humidity glide down her arms. She's so beautiful, he muses, mostly to himself. 

The second she sets foot into their small copse of trees, he pounces playfully and encircles her in his arms from behind, drags her against his chest, and rains kisses on every inch of skin he can reach. She squeals and laughs delightedly, making him giggle, too. She'll never _not_ marvel at the sound of his laugh, she's pretty sure. Spinning in his arms, she begins her own storm of kisses on him and backs him against the trunk of a nearby tree. Her lips chart a slow, languid path down his neck, and she smiles at the deep rumble of approval coming from his throat, urging her on.

Afterwards, he rolls onto his back in the flattened grass and motions for her to come closer, arms open in invitation for her to curl in the space under his collar bone. She slots herself against his side and tells him about the events of her day; drills she had ran with the pilots, playing cards with Poe and Finn, and helping Rose with some routine droid repairs. He carefully fiddles with a strand of her hair and listens attentively. 

In turn, he tells her about the meetings he had sat through, inspections he had conducted on platoons, how Hux had tripped over himself to find ways to undermine him in front of the assembled troops. Confusion flickers into her mind in question as Ben feels her bristle at the mere mention of the general. 

Never once has he pressed her for info on the resistance since Crait. But now, he willingly offers anything on the First Order she could use, mostly unprompted. She had been concerned at first, unsure of how to relay information to the rebel leaders without raising suspicion on _how_ she got it. Ben had shrugged, suggesting that she cryptically explain it away as mystical Jedi guidance. It had worked for Luke or even the old Jedi Council, right? 

He can tell she's warring with herself to ask what she wants to know, so he waits patiently, dropping the strand of hair and ghosting his fingertips down the ladder of her ribs. 

"Do you know Hux is a spy?" she blurts. 

"Yes, I do," he replies. His lips press into a hard line as he tries to suppress a laugh, but his eyes dance wickedly and give away his amusement. Leaning on her forearm, Rey presses away from his chest, shock and bewilderment sprawled across her features. 

Despite his efforts, a rather undignified snort sneaks past his defenses at the look on her face.

"He gets the information to pass along to you all from _me,"_ he explains, voice full of laughter. "Although he doesn't know that."

He offers a memory through the bond; he relays plans and coordinates to a compliant, daze-eyed Hux before ordering him to send it to the rebels and forget he and Ben's conversation ever happened. 

Rey is even more confused. He mind-tricks him? She pushes an image of her own back at Ben. The latest video transmission from Hux had included _plenty_ of insults about Ben's leadership. The general had made it abundantly clear that he didn't actually care about the Resistance; he only wanted to undermine or challenge Ben in any way possible. 

"Then why let him act like this? Why not find another way to leak information?" Rey presses over Ben's renewed laughter. 

She tries to suppress her annoyance but he picks up on it anyway, timidly asking to dig deeper as his curiosity piques. Rey sighs and unfurls her mind with a huff. 

When she'd seen the transmission and the way Hux had talked about him, she'd barely been able to contain her anger. The idea of _his_ command being questioned, _his_ orders being disobeyed, _his_ authority being challenged, it bothers her more than she lets on. He quirks an eyebrow, retreats from her mind, and files this revelation away for later. 

"It's very boring when I'm not with you," he shrugs. "Entertainment is a little hard to come by, so." 

Rey balks at him. He just thought it was _funny?_ He is _every bit_ his father's son, she thinks to herself, shaking her head in wonder. His mother's too, she adds after a pause, thinking of Leia's wry and playful exchanges with Poe and other commanders. 

He blushes, equal parts pleased and heartbroken at the comparison. Only partially mollified but unwilling to press the matter further, Rey settles down once more on his chest. His fingers thread themselves through her hair at once. 

“I miss you," he confides after the space of several heartbeats. 

“I'm right here.”

His mouth twists sourly and his thoughts spill toward her.

Yes, she's in his arms at this moment but only via the Force. They're still separated across the stars. And only as long as the connection allows.

_Not close enough or long enough,_ he all but pouts. 

She considers this and gingerly examines his longing, pressing into his mind the same gentle way he had done to her. Almost effortlessly, she pulls his daydreams to the forefront and she's shocked by the simplicity of them. He dreams only of having her by his side. Not as a dark empress, not as a perfect Jedi master, but just… them. Just Ben and just Rey. Just together. 

Tears spring to her eyes with the sudden searing longing charging through her. She had never wanted to be a hero; she had only ever wanted a _family_. She could have one. With him. The belonging she seeks is before her. Not behind.

“I miss you, too,” she murmurs, voice thick with emotion.

"I want to come _home,_ " he breathes. "But if I just up and leave…" 

Flashes of pandemonium flit into Rey's mind as he remembers the absolute chaos caused by Snoke's death. Even if the prodigal son were to come home, creating another power vacuum with vicious, cut-throat players scrambling for control would benefit no one. The chokehold the First Order held on the galaxy would need to be dismantled carefully and methodically if they had any chance of a quiet, peaceful life together. 

"Then we'll end the war," she answers simply. "Together. I have a few strategies, actually."

The spark of hope that dwells deep in his chest flares wildly with every word she speaks. Their power is unmatched in the galaxy; what could stop them? His daydreams slip between them while she talks logistics and battle plans.

_And after this, it'll be just you and me,_ she promises, watching his fantasies in the corner of her mind. 

_Together,_ he agrees, hugging her tight to his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! More fluff and exposition with plenty of soft Ben who is ready to risk it all. 
> 
> I'm on vacation in Hawaii with my husband and I wrote this in between pina coladas and sunburns. 🤙 
> 
> Also s/o to my husband for partially inspiring the reylo dynamics? - he literally asked "remember when we first met and we lived exclusively in Pound Town and didn't leave for weeks?" 💀 ah, new love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise

Rey rocks back on her haunches with a groan as she sluggishly wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. The small waste bin before her now contains the contents of her stomach and she grimaces as another wave of nausea rolls through her. Heaving, she curses herself for wasting the breakfast she'd _just_ eaten. 

The cabinet beneath the sink in her fresher is stocked with a scant amount of supplies, so it only takes her a few seconds to find the mouthwash she hunted. Swiftly retrieving the small bottle, her eyes land on an untouched box of pads and tampons tucked away in the back corner. Ice floods her veins at the sight of it as something clicks into place. 

Quickly doing the math in her head, she realizes she had last bled over two months ago. This span is not all together uncommon for her, although her cycle had become somewhat stable now that she was eating regularly. But she hadn't been _sleeping_ _with someone_ a few months ago. 

Mind racing, she ticks off other changes she had dismissed or written off. Her breasts _have_ been tender to the point of pain, but given Ben's recent enthusiastic attentions, she thought the tissue was sore from being manipulated in a new way. Her sense of smell _was_ incredibly heightened; she could have sworn someone spilled jet fuel on the floor of the barracks from the way it stung her nose, but the nearest hanger was nearly a quarter mile away. She _has_ been ravenously hungry lately, but she's always ravenously hungry. She hasn't always been overwhelmingly exhausted though; every night this week she had fallen asleep within seconds of settling in Ben's arms and dozed long after she ought to have risen in the morning. And then there was this nausea that hits the second her head lifts from the pillow... she doesn't have any other plausible explanation for this one.

She clutches the counter for support as the logic piles up in an undeniable heap of proof. Trembling head to foot, she timidly scans the Force for confirmation of what she already knows.

Safely nestled in the rapidly forming womb between her hips is a delicate, almost imperceptible flicker in the Force. Elements of her own Force signature as well as Ben's are just barely discernible, but what the combination creates is so uniquely beautiful. Utterly entranced, she examines the embryo closer and gasps as her world tilts sideways when a second one warbles into her awareness. Two tiny blips of Force energy dance together, strikingly similar but still splendidly individual, each one equally composed of her, Ben, and its own energy. 

_Twins._

She turns and sprints for the infirmary and finds it deserted, save for the medical droids. Her shoulders sag with relief. Back in a secluded exam room, she rapidly relays her symptoms to a whirring droid, keeping her voice as low as possible just in case someone happens to walk by. The holoscan of her uterus is projected before her, bathing the room in a bluish light. Helpfully pointing out each embryo in the scan, the droid estimates the gestational ages and confirms that everything appears healthy and routine. Despite her own shock and her apprehension of Ben’s reaction, Rey marvels at the soft _whump-whump-whump_ of two rapid heartbeats. It’s the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard, second only to Ben’s laugh. 

Deftly, with the practiced skills of a scavenger familiar with stripping bots for parts, Rey accesses the droid's control panel and wipes this conversation and the scan from its memory. She cannot risk anyone finding out before she speaks with Ben. 

Time moves at an impossibly slow pace as she waits for the Force to connect them for their nightly meeting. She had been jittery all day, barely able to focus, staring off into space for long stretches of time and hardly absorbing a word of what anyone said to her. Nerves frayed, she paces the length of her quarters in frenzied steps, feverishly wringing her hands, and rehearsing various ways to break the news. The breath in her lungs turns to cement when she feels him shimmer into place a few feet away. 

Ben knows something is off the second she enters his awareness. His head whips around, quickly sweeping his gaze over her for any wounds or harm; her face is pale, her eyes terror-stricken, and she's frozen in place. 

"What's wrong?" he asks, stepping at once to her side. 

She doesn't answer, just eyes him in a panicky way, shivering violently and still restlessly twisting her fingers together. He gingerly cups her face and tries to gauge the situation through the bond. A wave of wordless anxiety and fear slams into him as thick tears escape from the corners of her eyes. He's definitely worried now.

"Sweetheart, what is it?"

Her mouth opens and closes in a series of fits and starts as more and more tears glide silently down her cheeks. He brushes away her tears as they fall and stares deeply into her eyes, flicking between her pupils as if he'll find the source of her anguish within them. 

"I'm pregnant," she breathes, voice barely above a whisper. 

For the space of half a heartbeat, his vision goes white. Static fills his ears. His knees threaten to buckle. For several long moments, he can only stare blankly at her, mind wiped of any coherent thought and eyes wide with shock. The only thing keeping him from freewheeling into the abyss is the intangible tether that stretches between them through the Force.

Impossible, he reels. But then again, no, it isn't. They hadn't exactly been careful in their various unions, blindly assuming that their physical separation across the galaxy would be enough of a buffer to prevent this exact scenario. Clearly, they had miscalculated. It was entirely possible. Probable, more accurately, given the rate they'd been going. 

"You're certain?" he asks in a choked whisper. 

Tugging on his wrist, she pulls his hand away from her face and presses his wide palm against the curve of her lower abdomen. 

_Feel._

Keeping his gaze locked on her, he reaches into the Force with a cautious, feather-light touch. His brows fly skyward in recognition when he feels the faintest brush against his senses. Tears blur his vision as he huffs a small laugh and narrows his focus, mesmerized by the two shimmering flares of light - wait. 

_Two?_

She nods once, tears falling in earnest now as she replays her visit to the infirmary in his mind. She feels a wave of deep relief and muted joy lap against her mind from his when the droid declares that the embryos appear to be thriving. He marvels, just as she had, when the sound of their heartbeats pulse rhythmically in her memory. 

Fear radiates from her still troubled mind. Tenderly, he frames her face in his hands once more and asks the one question buzzing behind his lips.

"Rey, what do you want?" 

"You," she answers at once, reaching up to clutch his wrists. "And them."

Dimples flashing, he beams a watery smile and brushes away lingering tears on her cheeks with his thumbs. 

"What do you want?" she counters. 

His daydream from the previous day flits before her mind's eye. The two of them, together and peaceful, but now standing in the doorway of a stone house, arms wrapped around each other as they watch two tiny black-haired heads bob down a nearby grassy hill and out of sight, peals of giggles echoing in the dusk. 

"You," he murmurs, swallowing thickly. "And them." 

A weight lifts from her then and her shoulders drop several inches from her ears because as terrifying as this is, at least they're in it together. Hundreds of questions bubble into her mind and spill over into his. They may be in love and irrevocably connected, but they're still on opposite sides of a war, separated by light years and star systems, with a myriad of obstacles between them. Where would they go? Who could they tell? What would his mother say? Which of her friends would try to shoot Ben on sight? How do they do this? 

A million plans arrange and rearrange themselves in his head. Political strategies, secret properties that belonged to various family members on distant planets, a rudimentary list of baby supplies and furniture, all of this flashes before Ben's eyes as he casts a wide net, searching for the best path forward for his partner and his children. 

She waits a bit impatiently, emotions still broiling under the surface. Though planning is helping soothe her worries, she needs him to tell her it's okay. That no matter what path they choose, they'll be okay. That the babies will be okay. That all four of them will be together and safe and loved. 

_Ben, please._

Breaking from his shifting reveries, he rests his forehead against hers and sends as much reassurance and comfort as he can muster through the bond. He's scared, too, but he's here. She's not alone in this. She'll never be alone again. 

Calm spreads through her as she exhales slowly, tension leaking from her muscles and she sinks into his arms. His lips brush a lingering kiss to her brow. 

Just as she's about to suggest they crawl into bed, the connection abruptly severs and he vanishes. Rey lurches forward on her toes, balance thrown by the sudden lack of his chest to lean against. She blinks once in shock before the tears begin cascading again. It had been weeks since they had last spent a night apart, even longer since the Force had unexpectedly ended their bridge. Her head swims at the prospect of sleeping alone, tonight of all nights. 

Exhausted, hungry, hormonal, and with a still-raw heart, she hangs her head in defeat and weeps. Slinking miserably across her quarters, she clambers into bed and cries herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's gettin real, yall. 
> 
> this chapter and the next one were the two pieces i was most excited to write/flesh out when i started planning this work :) so i hope you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

Morning sunlight spills into Rey’s room, the brightness making her eyes throb painfully. Her head aches dully and her cheeks are streaked with faintly salty tracks of dried tears. After Ben’s sudden and unceremonious departure last night, it had taken much longer than she expected to cry herself out. But the morning brings with it a measure of control, some acceptance, and a good bit of calm. 

Until a fist lands soundly on her door, a miniature cannon-blast exploding her quiet serenity with sharp insistence. 

"Rey!"

Rose’s voice, pitched with excitement and urgency, wrings out clearly over the cacophony caused by her still-pounding fist on Rey’s door. 

"Wake up!" Rose demands, somewhere between a command and a plea. "It's over! It's finally over."

Gritting her teeth against the familiar roll of nausea, Rey swings her legs over the side of the cot and stands, glaring toward her friend’s voice. She pads over and practically yanks the door open in irritation, scowling as the fluorescent light of the hallway assaults her senses and agitates the retching that’s waiting and coiled at the back of her tongue. 

_"What,”_ Rey croaks, “is over, Rosie?”

"The war,” Rose answers, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. “Kylo Ren just surrendered his forces to the Resistance." 

He _what?_

Rey stares blankly at her for several seconds, brain refusing to process what she’s just been told. As the words begin to click, Rey scoffs, a light, exasperated chuckle slipping out. It’s barely been twelve hours since she told him about the imminent arrival of their children, and he’s _already ended the war._ Because _of course_ he did, being the brash, impulsive, vexing, _wonderful_ man that he is. 

A million questions bubble to her lips, but Rose grabs her hand and pulls her toward the command center before she can ask a single one. 

"Come on! Leia is debriefing us all in a few minutes.”

The light in the rebel war room is blissfully dimmer than the hallway or even Rey’s quarters, illuminated only by the blue glow of a dozen or so screens and holoprojectors, and she breathes a brief sigh of relief. The energy in the room, however, is simmering with a mix of disbelief, joy, trepidation, and wonder. 

Hurriedly, she combs her fingers through her loose waves and straightens her sleep clothes as much as possible, rueful that she hadn’t thought to change or even wash up before joining the entirety of Resistance leadership. 

Rey spots Poe several feet away with his back to her, intently watching a trio of holos that appear to be surveillance footage of several prisoner cells. He doesn’t take his eyes from the screens as she joins him, only offering a quiet hum in greeting. Several men slump on the ground of the cells, clearly unconscious, some bloodied, and all of them bound with restraints. 

“Who are they?” Rey asks, scanning the bits of data displayed in the corner of the holo, relaying the men’s vitals. 

“First Order Officers Hask and Mitaka, Generals Parnadee, Quinn, Pryde, and,” Poe answers, clicking open a fourth holovid, “General Hux.”

Lying unconscious in an infirmary bed, Hux is nearly unrecognizable, his fire-red hair the only distinguishable feature. His face is black and blue and his uniform is bloodstained. He’s unconscious, restrained to the gurney, and oblivious to the handful of resistance medics fluttering about his bed. 

Whipping around, Rey eyes Poe incredulously. 

“They arrived this morning in an unmanned vessel, unarmed, all restrained, and all Force-sedated,” he tells her before she can ask. 

“Clearly Ben’s work,” Leia chimes in wryly, having silently joined them at Rey’s elbow. “He could have used a lighter touch; they’re nearly comatose. But I suppose it was safer to use a heavier hand before sending them here.”

Poe sighs deeply and looks at the floor. 

“General, there’s no way to know that he’s behind this,” Poe says firmly. “I don’t know if we can trust it.”

“Sure we can,” she quips, chuckling under her breath and winking conspiratorially at Rey. “Come. We should get started.” 

The room falls silent as Leia takes her usual place of command at the large, round table. A shocked murmur ripples through the crowd as she tells them about the now-captured First Order leadership. Cool and collected as ever, Leia relays other news. Stormtrooper operations have halted, all bases and forces have been ordered to stand-down and cease fire. Children culled to become troopers have been returned to their home worlds. All troopers are to be given information regarding their true names and planets of origin. Family reunification efforts are to begin immediately, pending the Resistance’s acceptance of a formal surrender and the signing of a treaty officially ending the war. 

The room waits on tenterhooks, each revelation shocking them deeper and deeper into stunned silence. 

“The Supreme Leader and a small envoy will arrive tomorrow to discuss the treaty and the terms of surrender,” Leia states calmly. 

Several people begin talking at once, yet Rey can’t help the smile that splits across her face and the tears that swim in her eyes. He’ll be _here?_ After the rough night she had and with her barely contained emotions still raw, the idea of having him _close_ , actually, physically in her arms rather than across the galaxy is nearly overwhelming. 

A flare of joy and relief and longing and _love_ bursts through her in a sudden supernova of emotions so fierce and palpable that she realizes too late that any Force-sensitive would have felt it; she's not entirely surprised when Leia's head swivels her direction and she eyes her quizzically. 

The meeting continues on and plans are made and policies scripted. When Leia dismisses everyone, Rey braces for what she knows is coming and tries not to turn beet red when the general asks her to stay behind and talk privately. Leia sits elegantly in a nearby chair and surveys her from across the room as cadets and officers continue to trail away. The moment they’re alone, the general cuts right to the quick. 

“You’re seeing Ben.”

It’s not a question, rather a statement. And although Rey _knows_ she means they’re only speaking via the bond, she can’t help but splutter an affirmative as she hears the double meaning in the words. 

“I knew something was going on but never in a million years did I think…” Leia trails off, uncertain. “I can sense his signature sometimes, like he’s standing on the other side of the base. It’s the happiest he’s felt in _decades._ I thought it was just an old woman’s delusions.” 

She looks at Rey thoughtfully. Rey stays quiet, though she screams internally, desperately hoping that Ben’s _mother_ hadn’t sensed the _activities_ that were making him happy lately. 

“So, you're together, then?”

 _Fuck._ She knows. 

So much for getting Ben to come home _now,_ Rey thinks ruefully. He’d rather fling himself on a cliff than face Leia knowing she knew what they’d been up to. Rey would too, honestly, but it’s too late for that now. She sighs deeply, willing her mortification away. 

“It's… complicated,” she answers honestly. Leia, out of all people, doesn’t need reminding that Ben is on the other side of the war. Rey summons all of her courage and resolve and meets Leia’s eyes. 

“But I love him.” 

Leia smiles demurely at her words, face softening with fondness, and nods in approval. 

_And them, too,_ Rey thinks to herself. Unconsciously, her hand moves of its own accord and flutters protectively toward her pelvis. Rey tries to redirect the movement and prevent the very obvious message her body language sends, but Leia is quicker. 

As fast as lightning, Leia’s eyes narrow suspiciously as her mouth falls slightly open in shock. 

"Oh, surely not…" she grumbles, nearly too low for Rey to hear. 

_FUCK! She knows!_

Rey braces for the worst as she feels Leia’s laser-like focus scan the Force, zeroing in immediately on Rey’s womb. She waits, watching Leia confirm the existence of _a_ pregnancy. Rey fleetingly notes that her shock is nearly a mirror image of Ben’s; their similar features frozen in the exact same arrangements. She sees the incredulity multiply as Leia realizes she’ll soon have grand _children_ , rather than a singular grandchild. 

Leia's eyes bulge. A vein in her forehead pulses dangerously. Rey holds her breath while Leia’s face changes colors - fair to crimson, crimson to purple, purple to blue. Rey seriously considers calling for a medic, or at the very least, grabbing a nearby med kit, though unsure of what she would actually do with it. A painfully tense silence stretches between them, but gradually, shade by shade, the general’s pallor returns to normal. At length, Leia purses her lips, closes her eyes, and sighs deeply. Then she shakes her head. Then nods, staring skyward with an exasperated expression.

“Well,” she drawls, “that explains this sudden turn of the tide in this war, doesn’t it?”

* * *

Tonight is Ben’s turn to pace nervously as he waits for the Bond to open between him and Rey. He has multiple speeches prepared, about the war, about them, about what happens now. He knows he doesn’t deserve redemption. Doesn’t deserve _her._ Or his children. 

But he wants to _try_ to deserve it, one day. But he knows, with all he's done, this is next to impossible - so he’ll settle for doing anything in his power to make the galaxy safe and sound for them. For her _._

The flurry of memorized words freeze on his tongue as she shimmers into space directly in front of him. Barely a heartbeat passes before she launches herself into his arms and kisses him desperately. Without saying a word and without even an image transmitted across the bond, she knows exactly what he's trying to do and why. She melts. 

Cursing softly, he pulls away when his split lip burns viciously and reopens. Rey’s eyes go wide as she takes in his face properly, noticing how bruised and bloodied he is. He has a black eye, a nasty cut under the other that bisects the scar she gave him, and several other bruises blooming along his jaw, as well as a swollen and bloodied lower lip. Subduing, sacking, and delivering his generals had _not_ gone smoothly, then. He shrugs. 

Gingerly cradling his face, Rey summons her own Force energy and begins to direct it into Ben, healing the wounds on his face. When he realizes what she’s doing, he anxiously tries to stop her, worried for the babies. She shakes her head, showing him in his mind how they light her up from the inside, overflowing her with energy; they’re perfectly fine. 

“I told you that you wouldn’t be alone,” he murmurs, forehead resting against hers as the cut on his lip closes completely. “That I wanted to be with you. That I wanted this. I’m sorry about last night... I didn't mean to sever the connection when I did. I was shell shocked and terrified of almost every path forward. I was so afraid I would that any move I made would be the wrong one. That I wasn't strong enough.” 

_You are,_ she answers at once.

He smiles thinly in response and then presses on. 

“But, when I was alone, I realized that any child of mine will be another tool in this war. And every other way that comes after it. Unless I stopped it. All of it. Unless the cycle is broken.” 

_So I broke it,_ he shows her, replaying how he’d sacked his own military and contacted the rebels. Rey is stunned, overwhelmed with just how far he would go to ensure his children wouldn’t be trapped in the same battle as he was. 

“I would move the stars to protect you three,” he promises. 

“But I understand if you don’t want…” Ben breaks off, choking on the words. “They’ll always be ashamed of me, possibly even scared of me. I just. I wanted you to have as much of a runway for normalcy as I could give you.” 

“Ben,” Rey murmurs, firmly grasping his face and dragging his eyes up to meet hers. “We’ve decided this already; I want this family with _you._ Just you. Only ever with you.”

 _And they’ll love you, as I do,_ she declares, full of conviction, directly into his mind.

He nods, swallowing thickly. His eyes flutter closed and he rests his forehead against hers once more, basking in the togetherness.

“What happens now?” Rey asks gently. Flashes of the debriefing flit into his mind. 

“I'm not sure. My mother may be open to a pardon, but I deserve much worse for what I've done to her alone, never mind the galaxy or … my _dad_ ," his voice cracks on the last word. 

“My actions cannot go unpunished, Rey. But... we should be prepared... Even with a treaty and all that I’m offering, they may still lock me away. Or worse.” 

Her fierceness growls dangerously through the bond, a flare of a feral need to shelter him from any threat, a bone-deep need to keep him by her side at all costs. 

“Let them try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, hello, hello! I hope you're all staying safe and healthy and happy out there <3 
> 
> I work for a boutique fitness studio, and we FINALLY closed our gym yesterday, so hopefully I can focus on this little diddy while social distancing <3 
> 
> stay well!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be... I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again." F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"You told my mother we're sleeping together?!" Ben exclaims, his face a mask of absolute terror. 

He looks more feral than he has in a long time, though markedly less frightening and dangerous than the worst times Rey's seen him like this. He's furiously pacing the length of his quarters, hands fisted in his hair and elbows wide, while Rey watches on, grimacing as she relays her conversation with Leia. 

"Funnily enough," Rey huffs indignantly, "she would have worked it out for herself once we told her I'm pregnant."

Ben scowls at her without breaking his agitated stride. 

"And I didn't _tell_ her…" Rey begins, tucking her chin skyward in defiance. "She sensed it."

He freezes, foot in mid air, body tipped awkwardly forward. His blood turns to ice. 

"She _what."_

Rey chews on her bottom lip and looks skyward, muttering something halfway between a curse and prayer as she cautiously opens her mind to him and replays Leia's words. 

His mouth falls open to a perfect, horrified O. His skin seems unable to decide if it wants to flush scarlet, drain to be pale as a ghost, or turn a sickly green. Ben sinks slowly to the floor, flattening out until he's sprawled spread eagle on a surface Rey can't see. 

“Oh, hi Mom, long time no see," he grumbles bitterly at the ceiling. "You look great, all things considered, sorry I murdered Dad, and sorry my troops blasted you into open space, and sorry I made Uncle Luke overexert himself until he became one with the Force. Oh, and I'm sorry our first semblance of interaction in years was you overhearing me _fuck_ _my wife_ but hey, congratulations! You’re going to be a grandma! Everything is FINE." 

He sighs harshly, raking his hands over his face. He mutters an unbroken string of curses in a language she’s not familiar with. 

It may be the longest speech she's ever heard him speak aloud, yet she can't stop fixating on two words. _My wife._ Trying to swallow her sudden elation, she bites her lip and moves to comfort him. She folds herself to the ground at his side and runs her fingers slowly through his hair. He hums brusquely at the contact and his eyes flutter to half-mast. 

_It will be alright,_ she whispers in his mind. 

He nods, knowing she's right, and glances toward her lower abdomen. The ends will justify these horrifically awkward, embarrassing means. He can feel a tremor of energy she's keeping at bay flickering through their bond. He peeps one eye open, silently asking for explanation. 

"You called me your wife." 

The full force of her trepidatious pleasure seeps across the bond despite her efforts to contain it. Smirking devilishly, Ben wraps his hands around the tops of her arms and tugs her over to straddle his hips. Sitting up, he presses a feather-light kiss to her sternum. 

"My heart," he murmurs against her skin. He skims his nose along her collarbone before pressing his lips against her pulse point at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. 

"My soul," he breathes. 

He delicately drags his mouth up the column of her throat and kisses the hollow beneath her ear. 

"My destiny."

He charts a languid path of gentle kisses along the line of her jaw before whispering against her lips, "my _wife_ _."_

Rey all but crashes into him, hungrily claiming his mouth, tumbling back towards the floor, all plans of peace treaties and family reunions momentarily forgotten. 

* * *

The base had been a flurry of activity as their forces prepared for the treaty negotiations. Rey had been busy as well, privately coordinating and arranging a personal meeting between Leia and Ben that would take place before any official event would begin, just the two of them, alone. Poe and Finn had been furious, all but screeching unintelligibly about the general’s safety and Rey’s naivety when they found out. But Leia was resolute.

"The first time I see my son in person after _everything_ will not be in front of the entire damn resistance,” Leia had stated firmly, and that had been the end of it. 

When the time comes for this family rendezvous, Rey’s steady attitude is a soothing balm to Ben’s nervousness. She plans to lead Ben to Leia's quarters late at night, sneaking him through the base without alerting any other rebels. 

He’s pacing when she meets him, thoughts flying at a million miles per hour, grief and joy and guilt and hope swirling in equal measures within him. Rey smirks remembering the exact emotional state _she_ had been in a few nights ago, waiting to tell him about the pregnancy. 

_You okay?_

He turns to face her, his anxious eyes relaxing significantly when they meet hers. He manages a timid smile. 

_I will be._

She nods and grins reassuringly at him, extending her hand.

_Let’s go._

They cross the threshold into Leia's room and Rey hears Ben’s sharp intake of breath at the same moment his chest physically aches at the sight of Leia waiting for him. 

He brushes past Rey, falling to his knees in front of Leia, tears sliding down his cheeks. Leia gently cups her son’s face in her hands as they just look at each other for several long moments. At length, a choked, tortured syllable is all Ben can muster in greeting. 

“ _Mom_ ,” he whispers, breaking off as a flurry of apologies become frozen behind his teeth. 

She smiles down at him, full of love and indulgence and sorrow. 

“I know,” is all she says in response, the mischievous glint in her eyes flashing softly. 

Ben huffs a small laugh and sniffles. But when he opens his mouth to try again at his rehearsed apologies, Leia beats him to it. 

“Your uncle was a lot of things, you know,” she murmurs, swiping at the tears on his face with her thumbs. “Wrong and hotheaded and impulsive were often some of them. It must be a Skywalker thing.”

Ben swallows thickly, waiting for her judgement, her admonishments, her pain. 

“I should have kept you with _me,_ ” she whispers tearfully. “Ben, I never should have sent you away. But you’re home _now_ , okay?” 

His heart shatters and begins to reform itself in the same breath. 

"Neither of my fathers were around to give me any advice," Leia tells him. "You could write a book on what _not_ to do based on my decisions, but I _swear_ that I'll be around for you. And for those two tiny things that are about to change your life." 

He says nothing, just searches her face, desperate for her reassurance and guidance in a way he hasn't been since he was very young. 

"You'll make a million mistakes, but you'll be a good father, Ben. How could you not be? There's too much of your father in you for you to be anything else." 

She pulls him to her chest and rocks him gently as his sobs finally break free, the storm of emotions overtaking him completely.

Rey moves to quietly exit the room, backing away slowly, leaving them to these wounds that only they can begin to heal together. 

Later, during the official talks, Leia sends Rey to sit next to Ben. The general cooly explains that it would soothe everyone's nerves to have another powerful Force user in close proximity to the Supreme Leader should things go sideways. But the truth is that even Leia can't ignore how Ben and Rey orbit each other like two suns, unconsciously orienting their bodies toward each other in subtle, responsive shifts, even from across the room. Rey beams when Ben holds out her chair for her, maintaining eye contact for a beat too long. It doesn't go unnoticed by her friends; Poe and Finn’s eye’s narrow in unison and Rose curiously cocks her head. 

Ben feels the familiar tendrils of self-conscious fear creep up his spine as he watches Rey’s friends gape and glare at her. Just by being near her, he’s tainting her. She seems unaffected by the looks they’re getting, which equal parts confuses and concerns him.

His mother’s political career had nearly been destroyed by the Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader revelations. Part of the torment he endured as a boy had been the insistent worry that the darkness looming inside him would only bring his parents more pain and shame. And now, it seems, it is happening again. But this time to his partner and the mother of his children.

 _I want you,_ she tells him decisively, cutting through his anxious fretting. _Always. As close as possible. I don't care what they will say or what digs they'll make._ _Keeping you at arms length just for the optics,_ she mentally grimaces, careful to keep her face neutral. 

_You’re mine,_ her thought is possessive and a promise. 

_And besides,_ she adds, _they'll need to get used to us before the kids get here._

Reassured, Ben smiles down at his hands folded on the smooth table and the frigid mood around them begins to crack and thaw. Primly, as though nothing had happened, Leia begins outlining the plans the three of them had discussed previously to dissolve the war.

* * *

Alone in his temporary quarters sanctioned by the rebels, Ben exhales in a huff as he plops onto the edge of a standard issue mattress. His head hangs limply as the weight of the day's events settle on him. 

The words his mother had whispered to him had been a life raft he hadn't realized he needed. Just her presence and her touch had healed a wound so deep and so old in his heart he couldn't remember a time it hadn't ached. He's so preoccupied with remembering their interaction that he doesn't register the ill-intended presence creeping along the hallway toward his room. 

Sudden darkness envelops his quarters as he hears the door click open. No light spills in from the hallway; the power seems to be cut for this entire wing of the base. Before he can stand, or scan the Force for threats, or even call out for Rey with his mind, he feels the hard, cold, steel of a blaster barrel press firmly against the back of his head. 

Ben freezes, and after a beat, exhales harshly in recognition. 

“Dameron,” he spits. He supposes he should have seen this coming. In the blink of an eye, Ben could easily disarm and subdue him, but he hesitates; Rey would probably be upset if he incapacitated her friend, even if it was in self-defense. 

_“Solo,”_ Poe replies, voice full of malice and mockery. “I assume you know why I’m here.” 

Ben waits, silently cocking an eyebrow Poe can’t see. The blaster pushes deeper against his skull, the force of it tipping Ben’s head forward. 

“I want you to get rid of whatever Sith love-spell you’ve put on Rey. Undo whatever bullshit brainwashing you’ve done to her right now, you son of a bitch.”

“...what?” 

“You heard me! How stupid do you think we are? You’ve got ten seconds before I - ” 

Poe’s threat is drowned out by the sudden soft _whoom_ of a lightsaber coming to life. The blade, several inches from Poe’s throat, bathes the room with diffused blue light. Rey stands like a deadly sentinel behind him, face pinched with barely contained rage. 

“Poe,” she starts, her tone absolutely lethal. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?”

Before he can respond, Finn appears in the doorway, out of breath and frantic. He takes in the scene, eyes skipping from Ben to the blaster in Poe’s hand to Rey’s saber at Poe’s neck. 

“Rey, wait!” Finn calls. 

“Lower the blaster, _now,”_ Rey snarls softly at Poe, pressing the saber so near to his throat that the scant facial hairs around his Adam’s apple sizzle in the heat of the blade. 

Finn pulls his own blaster on Rey as he begins yelling unintelligibly. In a sudden flare of his own protective rage, Ben’s hand lifts of its own accord to place a faint, threatening pressure on Finn’s throat in response. Rey’s fondness for these two idiots is the only thing keeping Ben’s murderous fury at bay. Everyone begins yelling at once as the room teeters on a precipice of destructive chaos. 

“Drop it, traitor, before _I_ drop _you,”_ Ben threatens. 

“Rey, come on! What are you doing?!” 

“You let him go, you fucking asshole!” Poe screams. 

_“Lower the damn blaster, Poe!”_

In an instant, as soon as the tumultuous scene began, Leia appears, scowling and terrifying before them, waving her hand almost lazily to lock everyone in place with the Force. The room falls silent as they watch her take in the scene.

“Children,” she scoffs softly, glaring at each of them in turn. 

“Poe, I would appreciate it if you stop trying to assassinate my son,” Leia orders icily. “Rey, I understand, but please don’t decapitate our best pilot. Ben, relax, Finn isn’t going to hurt her. Right, Finn?” 

She waits long enough to get four curt nods and then releases her hold on them. A tense beat passes before they each relax out of their defensive stances. Finn’s face collapses with relief and he slumps against the doorframe. Ben only has eyes for Rey, scanning her and the twins for any sign of harm. Rey glares at Poe. Poe gawks at Leia. Leia shakes her head and sighs heavily. 

"This," Leia declares as she pivots and points a finger in Ben's face, "is why I never gave you any siblings."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi kids! long time no see! so sorry this update took so long. turns out, a global pandemic will give your writer's block like a mf? I stared at this chapter for weeks. And then last night, I got moderately drunk and wrote 80% of it in the bath. Hemingway may have made several points. 
> 
> 2 of my notes for this chapter were:  
> *Borat voice* mah wiiiife &  
> *someone threatens Ben*  
> Rey: bitch i hope tf you do! you'll be a dead son of a bitch, i tell you that! 
> 
> how are yall doing? is everyone staying safe and well?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It seemed so much more important to be a certain sort of man." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise

Poe sits on a cot, brow deeply furrowed as he studies the cement floor before him. Finn leans against the wall nearby with arms crossed, looking just as skeptical. Leia stands like a silent but bemused sentinel in the doorway, daring any of them to try anything again. Rose, having burst in shortly after Leia, stands next to the general and waits patiently for Rey to talk. 

Rey takes a deep breath, trying in vain to center herself before she spills her guts. She had really hoped to put this conversation off for a while, but it seems like that isn’t a choice now; and besides, the explanation _should_ come from her. These people are her friends. More than that, they’re the closest thing she has to family. She gulps and then relays a brief overview of the last few weeks and the shift in her and Ben’s relationship while he hovers like a mountain over her shoulder. 

"Wait, wait, wait," Poe interrupts, befuddled. _"You_ are connected to _him?"_

Rey nods.

"Since when again?" Poe demands 

"Since…" Rey trails off, twisting and meeting Ben's eyes over her shoulder. The first manifestation of their connection had been on Ahch-To but before that? Flickers of memory suddenly flutter before her mind. Flashes of a vague awareness of some sort of presence that hadn’t been fully realized until the interrogation chamber; a baby’s cries making Ben’s skull ache right around the time he had first gone to Luke’s academy, the full-body chill Rey had felt when Ben Solo had originally fallen, various random twinges of longing and pain from two very different types of abandonment over the years. Her and Ben’s brows fly skyward in unified incredulity at this revelation. Rey pauses, unsure, but Ben opts for the easier explanation.

"Since she found my uncle,” he supplies. 

"And you've been… _involved_ … since then?" Finn tries (and fails) to ask diplomatically. 

"No," Rey answers, flushing scarlet, "this is a fairly recent development. The Force.. it kept connecting us. Eventually we got tired of trying to murder each other every time we met. So we came to a cease fire of sorts. It turned into something more."

"You realize who you're talking about, right?” Poe cuts in wryly. “Did you forget he’s basically Vader but with more angst?”

"His signature has been becoming more and more light ever since he killed Snoke," Leia interjects, leveling Poe with her signature cool stare. 

"I thought Rey killed Snoke?" Rose asks.

Rey shakes her head and chucking a thumb over her shoulder at Ben. "He killed Snoke to protect me."

She waves down their objections and quickly explains what had happened on _The Supremacy._ Shock and understanding spread over Poe, Finn, and Rose’s faces in varying degrees. 

"Okay, fine, but then he went and nearly massacred us ALL on Crait,” Poe huffs after a beat. “He would have murdered Luke, too, if he'd _actually_ been there."

"My transgressions are not lost on me,” Ben murmurs. “I have a lifetime of sins to atone for. I'm well aware that I could live a hundred lifetimes and still not deserve her, but I want to try. This war will end; I'm no one's puppet any more."

Finn snorts and five pairs of eyes fly to his face. 

"I know how that goes," he shrugs. He steps forward and offers Ben his hand; an olive branch, a lifeline, a friend, maybe, with time. He flashes an easy-going smile of camaraderie and understanding. 

“Welcome, traitor,” Finn teases.

Ben almost smiles as he shakes Finn’s hand. Rose inches forward, still unsure, but clearly emboldened by Finn’s easy acceptance. 

"It’s war,” she says carefully. “Our hands are filthy with it too, Ben, and we’re not even entangled in prophecy and legendary families or the Force. But it sounds like you saved what you loved.” She smiles widely at him, but keeps her distance. 

Rey turns expectantly to Poe. He hums irritably and his eyes narrow as he appraises Ben. 

"I don't like it,” he says plainly. “But I will try. For you," he jabs a finger at Rey, and then turns and points at each Leia and Finn and Rose. 

"I mean, we can take it slow, now that the war is over, right?” Poe asks as he gets to his feet and saunters toward Ben. “It's not like you'll be asking me to babysit sometime soon." 

Rey’s blood turns to ice at the same time that Leia laughs loudly. Ben tenses, bracing for their reaction. 

Rose zeroes in on Rey's expression. Her sharp gasp causes Finn and Poe's heads to snap up and to her face before swiveling to Rey’s. 

_"No,"_ Rose breathes, but her face is absolutely gleeful.

Rey hesitates for the space of one heartbeat, weighing the outcomes of telling them _now._ Eventually, she nods once, nearly imperceptibly. Rose squeals and peppers Rey with questions. 

“A baby! Wow! When are you due? How are you feeling? Why didn't you tell me?” she whirls toward the door and adds, “General! Did you know?!”

Leia nods, chuckling softly and grinning widely, no longer able to contain her joy. 

Ben, however, leans forward, wrapping the Force around Rey's stomach as a protective buffer; one of these two men just held a blaster to his head; he’s unsure what they would do to his unborn children. 

Poe and Finn are gobsmacked. They wear twin expressions of utter shock and as their dazed gaze dances back and forth between Rey, Rose, and Leia.

"Are you fucking kidding me? There's going to be a miniature version of him around here, too?!" Poe exclaims, thankfully more incredulous than angry.

"Well, technically it'll be a mix of a miniature version of me, as well," Rey replies cooly. "Or a carbon copy of each of us, considering it's twins."

Ben thinks his eardrums might split from the squealing. 

* * *

The door to Rey’s quarters slides shut with a soft whoosh after she and Ben enter, both utterly drained by the past hour spent with her friends. She turns and presses the crown of her head into Ben’s sternum and sags with exhaustion. He gently cups her the base of her skull, thumbs bracketing either side of the column of her throat as he tilts her face slightly back and upward to press a soft kiss to her forehead. 

He stays there for a long moment, with eyes closed and warm, chapped lips resting on her brow. His breathing is slightly ragged, emotion rippling underneath the cool surface of his careful composure. The events of the day are catching up with him. With Rey, too. Reconciling with his mother. Tense negotiations. This whole messy exchange with her friends. 

He leans back and stares deeply into her eyes, sending a quiet wave of gratitude, relief, and appreciation to her mind. 

"Thank you," he breathes. "I don't know how I could have gotten through today without you by my side."

"I know what you mean," she mumbles. "Come on, we've likely got an even longer day tomorrow." 

Ben lets her tug her toward small bed and tilts his head quizzically

"Are you going to pull a saber on your friends tomorrow, too?" 

"With these hormones? No promises." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all you cool cats and reylo shippers. so sorry for such a delay in this update. 
> 
> I'll level with you - this chapter was really difficult to sit down and write, not because of the content but more of the premise of this story as a whole. I took approximately a dozen pregnancy tests at the beginning of this month, convinced that one would be positive, but not a single one was. My husband and I are certainly not trying to get pregnant in the middle of a global pandemic, but we're not NOT trying and I didn't realize how much I wanted it until I got negative after negative after negative test. And baby fever is relentless, even when the world is on fire. 
> 
> Soooo, this story was really difficult to pick up and work on. But we made it through this chapter! this one might be a bit clunky, but it's here. <3


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